How to Shoot 125 - and Win!

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Dear readers, every private club has its share of friendly wagers, but at one prestigious West Coast establishment, a qualifying round for the club championship turned into a lesson about both the rules of golf and the rules of life. Pour yourself a cocktail and settle in for a story about how one of the worst rounds of golf ever played turned into the sweetest victory imaginable.

It was a perfect summer morning when two of the club's more financially successful members decided to test their golf games against their bank accounts. Bill "Quick Draw" McGraw and "Steady" Eddie Ferguson, both carrying 7 handicaps, had barely squeaked under the 7.5 index requirement for the two-day club championship qualifier. They had no illusions about their chances - not with a field that included three plus-handicap former college golfers and a handful of low single-digit players who actually practiced once in a while. But eligibility had sparked an idea, and these two titans of industry who typically confined their golf to casual matches with genrous “gimmie putts” suddenly found themselves planning their competitive debut.

While the exact figure was never confirmed, whispers around the club had the amount in the low-five figures. Not enough to downgrade anyone's G6 to a G5, but enough to make them think twice about that winter wine club allocation.

"What's the worst that could happen?" Quick Draw asked, pulling out his checkbook with the kind of flourish that suggested this wasn't his first substantial wager. If only he knew.

The answer came quickly on the second hole, a deceptively challenging par 3. What followed was the kind of trainwreck that makes the Netflix documentary crew wish they'd been filming. Quick Draw proceeded to card a 21 - "At least I didn't bust!" he'd later joke at the bar - in a display that included two balls OB, one lost in the native brush, a thin bunker shot that found another bunker, and enough sand shots to make Lawrence of Arabia feel at home.

"It was hard to watch," recalled the young assistant pro assigned to their group. "If the Geneva Convention covered golf, the USGA would have to outlaw that kind of torture. No one should be forced to count past 12 on a single hole."

But this was stroke play and the USGA has no such rule. A few holes later, a fully ‘on tilt’ Quick Draw added another double-digit masterpiece to his scorecard on a brutal par 4. By day's end, he had penciled in a memorable 125 while Steady Eddie cruised to a respectable 85. Around the club that evening, members speculated about whether Quick Draw would withdraw, facing a seemingly insurmountable 40-stroke deficit.

"Hell no," Quick Draw replied to every inquiry, punctuating each response with a sip of his usual bourbon. "Never have, never will." Those who knew him remembered how he'd once finished a member-guest tournament playing one-handed after dislocating his shoulder on the 14th tee (during an impromptu keg stand competition with the Tito's girls). The man simply didn't know how to quit.

Meanwhile, Steady Eddie, perhaps feeling overconfident, made what would prove to be a fateful decision. He grabbed one of the bag room attendants and headed out for some 'practice holes' - a decision that would prove as ill-advised as Jean Van de Velde pulling driver on the 18th at Carnoustie in '99.

The next morning, paired with Alistair Langley II (the club's notoriously strict handicap chairman), Eddie casually mentioned making a birdie "yesterday" on the first hole. When Langley questioned this, citing his recorded bogey, Eddie clarified, "No, I mean when I went out for a few practice holes before sunset."

The silence that followed was deafening. Langley, whose knowledge of the USGA rulebook was matched only by his enthusiasm for enforcing it, cleared his throat. 'Rule 5.2b calls for a two-stroke penalty per practice hole, maxing out at four strokes,' he began, almost seeming to relish the moment. “However, as clearly stated on the sixth page of the tournament conditions posted in the locker room, any practice on the competition course between rounds results in immediate disqualification.” He paused for effect, straightening his club tie. “I'm afraid you're disqualified.”

Quick Draw, blissfully unaware of this development, was already on the course, grinding out a workmanlike 94 that, while hardly spectacular, included exactly zero holes requiring double-digit arithmetic. When he entered the scoring area, he found himself not just finished, but victorious. News of Eddie’s disqualification on a technicality only served as a reminder that he needed to sign his scorecard to avoid a similar fate - something Alistair Langley II was eagerly hoping to call out.

That evening, Quick Draw ordered several rounds of Macallan 25 for Eddie, watching his friend drown his sorrows in $200-a-pour scotch. 'Consider this a small reinvestment of today's proceeds,' Quick Draw said with a grin. 'A bet's a bet, and in golf, all bets get paid.' Eddie, to his credit, took his medicine like a gentleman, though members say he now studies the Rules of Golf with the same intensity he once reserved for reading greens - particularly page six of any tournament conditions.

And so dear readers, we leave you with this final word of advice: whether you're six shots ahead or six figures behind, never stop grinding - you never know when someone else might get caught not reading the fine print. In golf, as in life, persistence pays... especially when others aren’t paying attention.

Poll Question

OUR COMMENT CONTEST IS BACK! VOTE IN THE POLL AND LEAVE A COMMENT - THE BEST COMMENT WILL WIN AN AWESOME PRIZE ANNOUNCED NEXT WEEK!

Last Week's Poll Result

If "Banking on a Dream" gets made into a movie, who should play Special Agent Johnny Colorado?

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Keanu Reeves - duh

🟨🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️ Bradley Cooper - you gotta have something for the ladies

🟨🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️ Keegan-Michael Key - see him as an FBI agent that doesn't get shot dead (Fargo - Season 1)

“Duh” - Keanu gets cast again! Hopefully we can book him in between John Wick sequel shoots!

Congrats again to Jason M. who suggested casting Val Kilmer because “he was the only one to survive the job in Heat and I want to hear him say ‘the bank is worth the risk’ one last time.” We assume Jason knows that sadly Val Kilmer is no longer with us, but we love the Heat tie-in!

DON’T FORGET TO VOTE IN THE POLL ABOVE LEAVE A COMMENT - THE BEST ONE WINS AN AWESOME PRIZE!