LAST CHANCE CC

Dear readers, not all country clubs are created equal. Some are run like military academies, with strict dress codes, stern disciplinary committees and boards of governors who consider an untucked shirt a threat to the institution. Step out of line too many times and you might find yourself looking for somewhere else to play golf.

Other clubs take a more forgiving approach. They accept that gentlemen occasionally behave in ways that are not entirely gentlemanly, particularly after the third cocktail. And then there’s a special category of country club that seems willing to forgive just about anything.

Welcome to Last Chance CC.

You may remember the Netflix documentary Last Chance U, which followed talented but troubled junior college football players who’d washed out of bigger programs. Some had academic problems. Others had disciplinary issues. A few simply couldn’t get out of their own way. But they all had one thing in common. Somebody was willing to give them another shot.

As it turns out, the same concept exists in private golf.

We were recently told the story of one perfectly respectable country club where at least seven members have been expelled from two or more other clubs. Seven! That’s not a disciplinary problem. That’s a recruiting class.

These men didn’t necessarily lose their money, their golf games or their enthusiasm for country club life. They simply exhausted the patience of the people running their previous institutions.

Of course, nobody in polite country club society actually admits to being kicked out. Such matters are handled with considerably more discretion.

A member may have been “encouraged to explore other opportunities,” following what the board described as “an unfortunate misunderstanding involving alcohol and an inappropriate choice of words.”

Another might have experienced “a philosophical disagreement over the acceptable treatment of fellow members,” perhaps compounded by an incident involving an object that was not intended to become airborne.

The details are rarely important. What matters is that the board and the member agreed it was time to part ways. Although we suspect the agreement was considerably more enthusiastic on one side.

In football, they call it the transfer portal. In country club life, they call it a resignation.

Could a few of these gentlemen work their way back up to a Division I club? Possibly. But it’s not all fun and games at that level, particularly when the GM is a Nick Saban clone who treats the dress code like a playbook. Most of these men have already played for that coach. Twice.

So they landed at Last Chance CC.

Now, before you get the wrong impression, this is not some dilapidated municipal course with a clubhouse held together by duct tape. It’s a legitimate private club with a perfectly good golf course, respectable facilities and members who can afford to belong elsewhere.

But there’s an important distinction between a club with a five-year waiting list and one that actually needs members. At the former, there’s always another applicant waiting to take your place. At the latter, every member represents dues, dining revenue and a potentially substantial bar tab. A man who spends freely in the men’s grill is a valuable customer, even if his behavior occasionally requires a little creative interpretation of the house rules.

Consider the card game.

At most clubs, the bartender eventually announces last call, the members settle up and everyone goes home. At Last Chance CC, we’re told there’s an unwritten rule. As long as the cards are being dealt and the tips are sufficiently generous, the bar stays open.

Sometimes until four in the morning. Occasionally until sunrise.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the accounting department, the beverage manager has very little to complain about and excellent job security. 

The members’ previous expulsions aren’t advertised, but word gets around. Among men who have exhausted the patience of multiple boards of governors, there’s bound to be a certain kinship. Nobody talks about it. Nobody has to.

They love the place. They love the people. They’ve found a club where they can play golf, enjoy a card game and have a few, or more than a few, drinks without worrying about some governor with a clipboard taking notes. For once, nobody is trying to get them to leave.

Groucho Marx famously said he wouldn’t belong to any club that would have him as a member. The men of Last Chance CC have already tried the clubs that wouldn’t.

Still, even Last Chance CC must have its limits. We can't imagine what it would take to get thrown out of this particular institution, and frankly, we'd rather not know.

And so, dear readers, should someone actually manage it, consider the distinction. A club that will tolerate just about anything, and needs every dollar he spends, would rather have an empty locker.

The others at the card table would be wise to take note. There's no fourth club. No transfer portal. No parole.

That man’s sentence is muni golf for life.

Apparently, Last Chance CC isn't the only golf establishment offering second chances. Although this one seems to have produced an actual rehabilitation.

At Root River Golf Course in Ontario, a teenager spray-painted the roadside sign. Rather than call the police, the owner invited him back to replace the graffiti with something better. The kid apologized, painted a new golf-themed sign and even joined the owner's family for dinner. Since then, more than 15 local residents and businesses have offered him places to practice his art.

The young man appears to have learned his lesson, which probably makes him a poor fit for the recruiting class at Last Chance CC.

Have a great “nugget” that isn’t quite a CCC story, but is still too good not to share? Submit it here!

After a charity golf tournament, where do your clubs go while you're at dinner?

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Straight into my trunk. I'm no fool. (123)
⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Bag room. That's what the staff is for. (3)
⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Leave them on the cart. We're behind the gates. (2)
⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ No idea. I'm already at the bar. (13)

This might be a record folks… and CCC readers are certainly no fools! Take the clubs straight to the car, no matter how safe they feel within the walls. If you read CCC you know that nothing is truly safe behind the gates!

Congrats to our comment contest winner Larry T. who commented, “Usually you don’t want to be the one left holding the bag, but in this case that’s the goal!” For that clever turn of phrase Larry will be receiving a sleeve of LA GOLF balls from us!