The Augusta National Invite Gone Horribly Wrong! - Part 1

Overheard in the card room of a Texas country club is a tale of woe about an average Joe who got the opportunity of a lifetime - and managed to blow it up like a 30 handicap playing the tips at Bethpage Black. Grab your popcorn, dear readers, because this story is about to take you on a wild ride through the fairways of poor decision-making.

Joe McDuffer was an average golfer at an average mid-tier Texas golf club. He worked as an insurance salesman at a boring, faceless company and things were going along just fine - until one day he landed a whale of a client that should have changed everything for the better, but somehow it didn’t work out that way.

This new client meant big commissions, but Joe soon found out that there was a bigger potential prize at the end of the rainbow - while he was on a call with his client’s secretary, she let it slip that he was a member at Augusta National!

Joe had heard the number one rule about playing Augusta through the grapevine. The surest way NOT to get invited was to ask for an invitation, so he played it cool and filed away the information. Shortly thereafter he began planning subtle hints designed to subconsciously reel in the most coveted invitation in golf.

During the underwriting process he would make casual references to the actuarial risks by comparing them to “going for it on a short par 4” and comparing the monthly premium payments to “membership dues” (okay, maybe his hints weren’t that subtle). He wasn’t sure if it was working or not, but he kept at it and made sure the deal went as smoothly as possible.

As the deal neared its close, Joe made his move. He showed up to the final meeting sporting his prized Pinehurst polo, a fashion choice as understated as a pair of John Daly's pants. But lo and behold, it worked! The client, impressed by Joe's work, dropped the magic words: "How about I take you out for a round at my club next week?"

Joe's heart skipped a beat. This was it! The golden ticket! The holy grail of golf invitations! He practically leapt out of his chair and accepted the offer, momentarily forgetting one tiny but pretty significant detail - his wife was nine months pregnant and due any day!

Joe found himself facing the ultimate dilemma. On one shoulder, a tiny angel in a green jacket whispered, "You never turn down an invitation to Augusta, no matter what!" On the other, a slightly larger angel in scrubs holding a baby looked at him disapprovingly.

Joe began to rationalize - it could be a one-day "work trip" - a quick two and a half hour flight to Georgia, 18 holes of pure golf bliss, a celebratory drink, and then home before anyone even knew he was gone. It was possible, right? Right??

As the big day approached and his wife's go-bag inched closer and closer to the front door, Joe made his decision. He wasn’t laying up - he was going to go for it!

But dear reader, as you surely know, sometimes it's best to keep the 3 wood in the bag and play it smart. Will Joe carry the treacherous hazard and land safely on the green or will his decision bring quadruple-bogey into play?

That question will be answered next week, so be on the lookout for Part 2 of this story next Thursday - same time, same inbox!

Poll Question

Last Week's Poll Result

Some guys can't resist hitting on the Cart Girl. Which of these is the most likely to get reported to the pro shop?

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Do you want to join my Sunday morning threesome? (14)

🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Guess what? I'm on pace for a 69 after three holes! (5)

🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ Does your cart have a ball washer on it? (7)

Congrats to our “Comment of the Week” winner - Emily C.

Emily commented with this pickup line: “I’m thinking of trying out a new grip on my shaft. Any advice?” For this gem of a line, Emily wins a $100 gift card to Good Boy Golf! (Don’t worry Emily, Good Boy Golf has a Good Girl Golf page too!)

Vote in the poll above and make your comment for a chance to win next week’s prize! Tell us about the worst golf decision you’ve ever made!

You already know this isn’t going to go well… but how bad will it be???

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