THE HANDICAP JOB

Dear readers, the world is full of cheats, and we forgive most of them. A man shaves a little off his taxes and we figure he had his reasons. A man cheats on his wife and we remind ourselves we weren’t in that marriage.

But a man who cheats at golf for money, on purpose, over years, with a plan? That does not get forgiven.

First, a little background, because the story only works if you know how the machine runs. Many of you belong to a traditional club with a grass course and a handicap committee. But some of the regional golf associations, the ones allied with the USGA, also sponsor affiliate clubs. These have no course of their own. A group of firefighters can form one. So can friends in a barbershop or people from the same church. They post scores, carry handicaps and can play in the same events as everyone else.

There’s an argument that these little clubs are more honest. A traditional club’s handicap chair may be watching 400 or 500 members. An affiliate’s chair is watching 20, 30, maybe 40 people. Everybody knows everybody. There’s nowhere to hide.

Keep that in mind.

Our story concerns two partners who started an affiliate club of their own somewhere in the United States. Both belong to some of the finest clubs in the area. As founders, they held the keys to the records, which meant the same two men who played in the games could also edit the books. According to a source familiar with those records, they understood exactly how the system works and where it doesn’t look. They filled the roster with friends who enjoy a game with real money in it. Four figures. Five figures. Often.

Here is how it worked. One of them goes out and shoots a 66. Beautiful round. He posts it, and for a few days it sits in the record for all the world to see. Then, a week or so later, quietly, it’s gone. His partner does the same. Round after round, the good scores vanish and the ordinary ones stay.

Now do the math. A golfer who can shoot 66 doesn’t need help. Give him a few strokes he hasn’t earned and that’s all he needs. He isn’t competing anymore. He’s collecting.

Now stretch that out over a period of years with scores posted nearly every day. They played the big games. They played the invitationals. They won. Then they won some more.

Nobody said anything at first. Winning too much is something a golf club notices long before it can prove it. A look at the scoreboard. A quiet “huh.” A pause before reaching into your wallet to send cash the wrong way. These were well-liked men, and nobody wants to be the one. Winning simply became what they did, like weather.

Then somebody started keeping receipts. A saved screenshot here, a note there. One day somebody noticed a score had been deleted and brought it to a club professional’s attention. The pro remembered the round, assumed there’d been a mistake and put it back in.

Then, a few days later, it was gone again.

It was time to look under the hood.

The club worked with the regional association and pulled the history. We’re told it showed more than a hundred deleted scores for one partner. Over fifty for the other.

Not over a lifetime. Over three years.

The history was there. Someone had to know to ask for it. According to a source familiar with the records, the deletions weren’t being flagged. No one had seen a reason to do so before this. Now they have one.

The real question isn’t how, it’s why? By all accounts they had plenty of money. Why risk it all to take cash, week after week, from people who are supposed to be your friends?

As for the other members of this affiliate club, it seems they were in the dark too. We haven’t been told anything to suggest others were involved. 

And so, dear readers, remember this. Deleting your best rounds may give you an edge, but those great scores are unlikely to be the only things that disappear.

At Dalmuir Golf Course in Scotland, employees arrived Sunday morning to find a stolen Audi on fire in a bunker on the second hole. The club shared photos on social media, and police subsequently arrested and charged a 34-year-old man in connection with the alleged theft.

The course had already experienced repeated vandalism this year, but this was apparently a new level.

No word on whether the driver raked the bunker before leaving.

Have a great “nugget” that isn’t quite a CCC story, but is still too good not to share? Submit it here!

What’s the fastest way to lose your country club membership?

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Stop paying your dues (56)
🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ Cheat in the member-guest (28)
🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Sue the club (25)
🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Ask to see the books (24)

You gotta pay those dues, and you all obviously know that to be true! Still, asking to see the books can be equally dangerous as we learned in last week’s story.

Congrats to our comment contest winner Todd P. who said, “You forgot to add divorce - that’s how I lost mine!” We’re sorry to hear that Todd. It’s not much, but hopefully a sleeve of LA GOLF balls will take away some of the sting!