The Imposter in the Locker Room

A few quick updates before we dive into this week’s story:

🔹 New to CCC? Or missed a story? Catch up anytime at www.ccconfidential.vip - and don’t forget to share it with friends!

🔹 Follow Us! Stay connected on Instagram, LinkedIn, and X (YouTube coming soon!).

🔹 Winner Alert! Congrats to Sidney C., last week’s comment contest winner! He shared a detailed breakdown of how his group plays for money and scored some top-notch Next Flex apparel for his insight.

Keep the comments coming—you could be next!

Dear readers, every private club prides itself on being a sanctuary of trust and tradition. But for one West Coast establishment, that trust was shattered by a visitor who knew exactly how to blend in - or so he thought. So just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale about how the smallest detail can expose the biggest imposter.

From Seattle to San Diego, the whispers had been circulating: a phantom member was haunting club locker rooms up and down the coast. His MO was brilliant in its simplicity - dress the part (perfectly pressed khakis, collar properly starched), drop a member's name from the handicap rolls (courtesy of the public GHIN website), and waltz right into the sanctum of club life: the men's locker room. By the time security footage was reviewed, he'd be long gone, along with whatever Rolexes and wallets trusting members had left in their unlocked locker.

A club we'll call Fallen Oak CC had already fallen victim once. The security footage showed a clean-cut figure in Ray-Bans moving through the locker room with the ease of someone who belonged there, methodically testing locker doors until he found pay dirt. When the grainy security footage made its rounds, it revealed what was clearly an Anglo-Saxon suspect in designer golf attire. 

“So we’re looking for a five foot-ten white guy with short brown hair and freshly polished golf shoes?” asked longtime member Carlos Rosales rhetorically. "This will be the first time in club history the golf shop won't be calling me to verify a suspicious presence." 

Meanwhile, reports kept surfacing of similar heists at other prestigious clubs up and down the coast. It seemed inevitable that lightning would strike twice - and just two months later, it did.

Fate, however, sometimes has a way of evening the score. And at this particular club, where members were still smarting from their previous brush with the phantom thief, justice was about to be served with a side of whoop ass. It began when a sharp-eyed member noticed something odd: a fully-equipped golfer walking up the street to the club. No car in the lot, no clubs on his shoulder - just a man who looked like he'd stepped out of a Peter Millar catalog, headed straight for the pro shop.

When the visitor announced he was "Richard Patterson's guest," he couldn't have known he'd just blown his cover to pieces. You see, in thirty years of membership, no one - and we mean no one - had ever called Richie Patterson "Richard." Even his wife called him Richie, and she was mad at him half the time.

The pro shop staff, seasoned in the art of country club diplomacy, didn't miss a beat. "Of course, sir. ‘Richard’ mentioned you might be coming by." They watched as he exited the pro shop and headed toward the locker room, then made two calls: one to the locker room attendant, and another to Big Mike, a former college defensive end who'd spent the last decade lamenting that golf wasn't enough of a contact sport.

What happened next would have made Terry Tate* proud. As our uninvited guest's fingers wrapped around the handle of an unlocked locker, Big Mike finally got his chance to scratch that long-dormant tackling itch. The takedown was textbook - the kind that had once earned him All-Conference honors - and judging by his grin afterward, considerably more satisfying than any par save.

"I can't breathe!" the suspect gasped, likely in an attempt to set the stage for a lawsuit against the club. However, when Big Mike offered to do his version of chest compressions the imposter quickly changed his tune and pivoted into claiming it was “all a big misunderstanding.” 

The police arrived eventually, though given the era (late 2020) and the jurisdiction (let's just say the DA's office was more interested in social justice than country club justice), most members suspect our imposter didn't spend much time in the rough.

That evening in the club's 19th hole, while members were securing their lockers with unprecedented diligence, Richie Patterson couldn't help but smile. "First time in my life being particular about my name really paid off," he mused. "Maybe next I should tell the wife to stop calling me Dick." 

Meanwhile, Big Mike nursed his second bourbon, already wondering when he might get another chance to put his old skills to use. "You know," he said to no one in particular, "I'll bet there's an arena football team around here somewhere that has open tryouts."

And so dear readers, we leave you with this final word of advice: while trust may be the foundation of club life, a good lock is the foundation of a good locker room. Keep your valuables secure - because not everyone who dresses the part knows how to play it.

*If you are a millennial or Gen Z, do yourself a favor and click the Terry Tate link - and if you’re Gen X or above and want some quick nostalgia, do yourself a favor and click it too!

Poll Question

OUR COMMENT CONTEST IS BACK! VOTE IN THE POLL AND LEAVE A COMMENT - THE BEST COMMENT WILL WIN A SWEET PRIZE ANNOUNCED NEXT WEEK!

Last Week's Poll Result

What type of stakes do you play for when you and your friends tee it up?

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Less than $20 - I'm not out there to make money

🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ As much as I can get my group to wager - I am an action junkie!

🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Ribeyes or New Yorks... wait, steaks or stakes?

It looks like our voting audience leans a bit conservative when it comes to gambling on the golf course—but hey, that’s okay! We’ve got a few action junkies (and even a couple of carnivores!) in the mix, and we love you all the same. Thanks to everyone who voted!

A big congrats again to Sidney C. for his winning response. We can’t share the whole thing (it was lengthy), but let’s just say when Sidney and his crew tee it up, money is always in play!