Cartastrophe!

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🔹 Congrats to Jerry B. for winning last week’s comment contest. He won a LA Golf Club hat for his efforts!

On the surface, golf carts seem innocent enough. They don’t go very fast, they’re usually confined to the course and they look about as dangerous as a folding chair on wheels. But much like their cousin the Cart Girl they’re far more dangerous than they appear - just ask John Elway. (Too soon?)

With that in mind, today we present four tales of golf cart folly. In each one, there’s a lesson to be learned - usually about moderation while drinking, occasionally about paying attention and always about what happens when neither occurs.

The Great Cart Escape

Our first story involves a member who decided to combine two of his favorite pastimes, drinking and driving, though not necessarily in that order. After a long day on the course and a few too many celebratory rounds, he decided to take his golf cart for a “quick spin off-property.”

The club, perched near a major Los Angeles freeway, has a long private drive leading to a guard gate. Unfortunately, the guard had clocked out, and so, apparently, had our driver’s judgment. He rolled past the empty booth, made a wrong turn and found himself merging onto a freeway onramp in a vehicle designed for fairways, not freeways.

Cars doing seventy-five swerved to avoid him as he cruised serenely along at fifteen miles per hour, cooler rattling in back like a warning bell. Thankfully, the Highway Patrol intervened before physics did.

A DUI and membership suspension followed, along with a story that still gets told in the men’s grill, usually as a reminder that the new GPS system isn’t just designed to keep carts away from the greens.

The Calf Incident

Our next story came from a failed country club that has since been replaced by a Topgolf, where four younger players once decided to test how fast a golf cart could go between holes. The cart path to the second tee snaked alongside a drainage ditch, protected by a long run of steel-tube fencing. It wasn’t designed for high-speed cornering, and neither were they.

They came flying around a bend, overcorrected, and crashed headfirst into the barrier. The cart flipped nose-first into the ditch with a sound witnesses compared to “a car crash at half-speed.” For a moment, everyone assumed it was just another drunk-cart mishap.

Then someone noticed one of the passengers wasn’t moving. A section of the steel tubing had gone clean through his calf. Two of his friends bolted immediately. The third leaned over and vomited.

Paramedics arrived in time, and the injured man survived, though the sight of that mangled fence left an impression. The course, already operating on fumes, never found the budget to fix it. For months, the twisted metal sat there, a rusting reminder that the place was falling apart long before the golf carts were. It’s no surprise it’s a Topgolf now.

The Hole-in-One Hangover

Our next story takes place at a southern club where hole-in-ones are rare, but bad ideas are par for the course. One member, fresh off his first ace, began celebrating early and often in the clubhouse bar. After several rounds of champagne and a few rounds of storytelling, he decided the party needed an encore outside.

On his way out, he spotted the unattended beverage cart parked near the patio. It belonged to the cart girl who had wisely gone home hours earlier. What he didn’t know was that her cart had the governor turned off, a small perk for getting around faster during service.

He climbed in, cranked the throttle, and tore down the hill toward the 18th fairway, laughing as the cart picked up speed. Witnesses say the laughter stopped when the brakes failed halfway down. The cart launched off the bank and landed squarely in the pond that guarded the green.

Staff found him standing on the roof of the submerged cart, dripping wet, clutching a champagne flute like a survivor at sea. The next morning, the club installed new speed limiters on all carts, and a new rule banning post-round joyrides that involve open alcohol or deep water.

The Cliffside Shortcut

Our final story takes place at a desert course built into a canyon, the kind of place where beauty and danger share the same property line. Two members were finishing a twilight round when the light began to fade and they found themselves on the far edge of the course. Rather than drive the long way back, they decided to take a “shortcut” down a maintenance road that hugged the cliffside.

About halfway down, the lead cart hit a patch of loose gravel and began to slide toward the edge. The passenger jumped out early, escaping with only a few bumps and bruises. The driver, however, tried to save the cart and bailed at the last second, tumbling down the rocky slope and breaking his collarbone. The cart didn’t stop until it disappeared forty feet below in a cloud of dust and headlights.

Rescue crews arrived an hour later with ropes, flashlights, and disbelief. The club has since fenced off the road and added a sign that reads, Cart Path Ends Here - Seriously!

Poll Question

Last Week's Poll Result

What really went wrong at The Heir Club for Men?

🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ Nothing - this is exactly what everyone expected

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 They let the afterparty become the business plan

🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ The heir thought “club culture” meant bottle service

⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Too many guests, not enough members

Looks like most of you agreed that letting the afterparty become the business plan was a bad idea. However, more than a few of you agreed that nothing went wrong and the outcome was predictable… which was the way we leaned when we wrote the poll ;)

Lastly, if you are a newer subscriber don’t forget to catch up on past stories at ccconfidential.vip - and while you’re at it, tell a friend!

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