The Augusta National Invite Gone Horribly Wrong! - Part 2

Welcome back, dear readers, to the concluding chapter of our tale about Joe McDuffer, the father-to-be with futile dreams of having his cake and eating it too! When we last left ol’ Joey McD he had just broken the news to his very pregnant wife that he had a “business trip” to Augusta, Georgia. Let’s see how it all played out, shall we?

In a move that would make even the most committed golf addicts shake their heads, Joe had decided to roll the dice. He packed his bags, kissed his pregnant wife goodbye, and hopped on a plane faster than a golf ball launched by Bryson DeChambeau. His rationale? "It's Augusta, honey. Augusta!"

But as any golfer knows, the Golf Gods are fickle beings with a wicked sense of humor and Joe arrived at Augusta on a day when Mother Nature decided to play through. The skies opened up, unleashing a deluge that would make Caddyshack’s Bishop Pickering cancel his tee time. The course was closed and there would be no golf that day.

His host, feeling awful about the unexpected weather, tempted Joe yet again. “It is expected to be magnificent weather tomorrow. How about I put you up in one of the cabins and we try again?”

Joe checked his phone and didn’t see any missed calls. The devil on his shoulder pulled a driver from a golf bag and whispered, “See you at Rae’s Creek tomorrow.” The angel on the other side, thoroughly disgusted, threw in the golf towel and jumped off to find a soul that was actually worth saving.

“Sounds great sir,” said Joe as he suddenly realized the difficult phone call that was awaiting him. Needless to say, the call to his wife didn’t go well. But the next morning, the weather did. Joe opened the curtains to witness a sky similar to Ferris Bueller’s and rhetorically asked, “How could I possibly be expected not to play Augusta on a day like this?”

Joe arrived at the first tee and was greeted by his host. “See? I told you - the greens are nice and soft and the course is in perfect condition!” As Joe set down his bag he checked his phone to make sure the ringer was off and then saw the worst thing possible - three missed calls from his wife. This is when things went from bad to worse, as you’ll soon see.

When Joe explained his predicament to his host, hoping for understanding, he instead found himself on the receiving end of a verbal tongue-lashing that would make Richard Prior blush. His host, a man of traditional values (and apparently little sympathy for golf-crazed fathers-to-be), berated Joe as if he'd just taken a mulligan on the first tee of the Masters.

In between curse words the host bellowed, "You left your nine-months-pregnant wife for a round of golf?" as his face turned a shade of red usually reserved for Augusta's famous azaleas. "You’re an embarrassment to yourself and undeserving of setting foot on these hallowed grounds!”

Faster than you can yell "Baba-Booey" at a PGA tour event (and hopefully you never do that), Joe found his invitation to play Augusta permanently revoked. He was sent packing with his tail between his legs, his golf dreams shattered like the window of a home 200 yards down the right side of a fairway.

Joe rushed to the airport and managed to catch a flight back to Texas, arriving at the hospital just as his wife was being wheeled out of the delivery room. To say she was less than thrilled to see him would be like saying a quadruple bogey is a minor setback.

The aftermath? Joe welcomed his beautiful baby girl into the world, but at quite a cost. He lost a valuable client who canceled the transaction reversing a sizable commission, missed the birth of his child, and gave his wife enough ammunition to win arguments for the rest of their marriage (however long that might last).

So, dear readers, what lessons can we glean from Joe's misadventure? Perhaps it's that while some are fond of saying “golf is life,” perhaps life sometimes has to come before golf? Or maybe it's simply this: don't plan on getting married and having kids until you've played Augusta National!

Until next time, keep your head down, your left arm straight, and your priorities in check!

Poll Question

Last Week's Poll Result

Which decision was worse?

🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Sailing the Titanic into iceberg infested waters (3)

🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Filling the Hindenburg with hydrogen (5)

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Joe McDuffer's decision to "go for it" (14)

Congrats to our “Comment of the Week” winner - Sebastian K.

After being asked last week to share “the worst golf decision you’ve ever made” Sebastian commented “For me the worst that can happen is that I pick up the phone while on the course to take my boss's call!” 

For his extremely relatable comment, Chris wins these awesome Porsche head covers seen below!

Do you see that? All you had to do was vote in a poll, leave a comment and you could have won them - but you let Sebastian K. win them instead! Don’t let it happen again - ROCK THE VOTE!

Next Thursday is Halloween, so get ready for a haunting story about an East Coast club with an expelled member from the 19th Century that is still causing trouble in the card room!

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