🔹 WELCOME NEW SUBSCRIBERS! Our appearance this week on the Subpar Podcast generated a wave of new subscribers and we’re so glad you’re here! Read all the way to the end - see the results of last week’s comment contest (and how you can win next week) and some links to classic CCC stories just for you!

🔹 Did you miss the CCC appearance on Subpar? Here’s a link to the YouTube version featuring our lead writer as an 8-bit Nintendo character - you’re just gotta have to click below to see what that means...

🔹 LAST THING - New subscribers - Do you want a copy of the tabloid magazine Colt mentioned on Subpar? CLICK HERE and request a copy before we run out - we have less that 100 left, so first come, first serve!

Dear readers, rivalries at private clubs are inevitable. Most stay friendly. Some turn vengeful. And it is at precisely that point when your friends at Country Club Confidential take interest.

Today's story was spawned from our appearance on Subpar this week. Colt's story about petty revenge (see here at the 39:10 mark) triggered a friend of his to remember a tale of escalating pranks that culminated in a diabolical nuclear bomb, resulting in a waving white flag and an unconditional surrender. So with no further ado, here’s the story:

A game in which a group of grown men dedicate a sizable part of their life to perfecting the art of hitting a small white ball into a tiny cup hundreds of yards away in the fewest shots possible is bound to result in other childlike behavior. Especially when you mix in status, competition and alcohol.

At a Texas club we'll call Scoundrels CC there was a group of guys that had a standing money game. There were a dozen or so in a group text thread and they would play weekly games based on availability. Your typical clique of buddies within the wider club.

At some point two of the guys in the group, we'll call them Lawrence and Freddy, got into a bit of a back and forth prank war. It started small enough - covertly unstrapping a bag from the cart, swapping the other guy’s ProV1s for TopFlites pre-round, switching a range finder from yards to meters. Nothing too serious. But things escalated quickly and the minor skirmish turned into all-out war.

Lawrence hid Freddy's putter in his locker for a week. Freddy took his wife to a steak dinner at the club on Lawrence's account. Lawrence sent a novelty severed horse head to Freddy's house. Freddy returned fire with a Penthouse subscription to Lawrence's mailbox.

Each escalation followed the same rule: equal plus one.

Through all of this, Lawrence had a weapon in his back pocket that he didn't want to use unless he absolutely had to. A nuclear option.

The first rule of war is know thy enemy. And Lawrence knew something about Freddy more powerful than anything the Manhattan Project ever produced. As fate would have it, his Truman moment would come soon enough.

During a gin game in the card room after a round, Lawrence secretly got possession of Freddy's phone. He went into the contacts and switched a certain someone's number to his own, then blocked the original so nothing could spoil the attack.

With the payload armed and the bomber in flight, Lawrence said good evening to the group and posted up at home, waiting to strike. Sure enough, just after 8pm, the first text came through.

It started innocently enough - inquiring about each other's day and such - but quickly turned to planning their next rendezvous. And then things got really interesting.

At this point dear readers, we should probably explain something the entire group already knew. Freddy, a married man, had a not-so-secret side piece who we'll call Janet. And Lawrence knew enough about her to keep the conversation feeling very real.

Now, as you know, we keep things pretty PG-13 around here. One day we'll spin off Country Club Confidential After Dark and perhaps then we'll revisit this story in greater detail. But for now we're going to live in the world of innuendo.

As it turns out, Freddy had been attempting to get Janet to be more adventurous in their activities. In golf terms, she was like an 18 hole course but you were only allowed to play 17 of them. Apparently this frustrated Freddy, because he wanted to play the whole course.

Given that others had helped Lawrence obtain Freddy's phone, the whole group knew about the caper. Screenshots were flying through the group text like artillery fire. The conversation went on for over four hours. Freddy tried his best to make the sale on “playing the whole course” but Lawrence-as-Janet was a tough customer and wouldn't budge.

Finally, after making him work harder than he had in years, Lawrence-as-Janet relented.

"Okay, fine. But if we're doing this I have one condition... your friend Lawrence has to watch."

After a seriously confused reply, Lawrence let him off the hook. The original group thread lit up with their favorite screenshots from the night. Freddy took the defeat like a champ and declared the war over.

So what have we learned? Is there any moral to this story other than "don't have a side piece if you're married?" Probably not. But if you do find yourself in a prank war at the club, it helps to know the rules of engagement. And rule number one is simple: know thy enemy.

Especially if thy enemy knows thy Janet.

If the 13th green gave way at your club, what would it reveal?

🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ A Prohibition-era liquor stash
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Sandbags from some very creative indexes
🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Buried elephants, obviously
🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Jimmy Hoffa

Hoffa got a few more votes than we expected, but when there is a poll option to complaing about sandbaggers, that usually wins in a landslide. This poll was no exception to that rule! Congrats to our comment contest winner D.B. who said, “If stupidity was something one could bury, you'd find it burried all over our course.”

Vote in the today’s poll and leave a comment in the box below after you vote - our favorite one will win a sleeve of LA GOLF balls!

Don’t forget to catch up on past stories at ccconfidential.vip - and while you’re at it, tell a friend!

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